apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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