ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
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Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
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I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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