i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
