accomplished twins. life is a go
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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