i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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