I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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