Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I have feelings that need drinking.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize