just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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