I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
