I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
