Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
