Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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