i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
