doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
