please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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