life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
