You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
