The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
