Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
