After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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