i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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