This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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