You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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