the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
All the doctor said was why
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
