38 yer olds are good kisserssss
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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