false alarm. still invincible.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
