Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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