My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize