I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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