I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
