So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
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Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
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As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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