just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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