peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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