My hand turned me down
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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