The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
