Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Small penises have feelings too.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
