He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
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I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
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You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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