she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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