It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
