12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
