i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
