1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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