I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You ruined the universe
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
