I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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