What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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