Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
