just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
