My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
