How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
