I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
