I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
