How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
