you traded sex for a burrito?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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