I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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