My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
