No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
