it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
