I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Randomize
