You can't motorboat a personality
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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