true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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