I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
