Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
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Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
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Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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