dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
