Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
