I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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