oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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