I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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