I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
