I wish I only lived at night.
Small penises have feelings too.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
