I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
