Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
