What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
