Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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